Encouragement

I'm so encouraged from yesterday. It's rare that I get one blog comment, and I got TWO, and both from people who didn't chastise me for running off the deep end. So, thank you Hannah and dragonflyducky. Your comments mean a lot to me!

In the interest of historical documentation, here are the changes that have started to take place:

1. Canceled Directv. We have it until the 9th of August, but after that, it's gone. In a way, it's a bit sad. I do like the music channels on further up the end of the channel, and we'll all know I'll miss Keith Olbermann, but in another way, it's really wonderful feeling. We both made a point to not to turn it on yesterday (except to peek to see if Keith O was back, but he wasn't, so it was turned off again.).

2. I sat down on Sunday evening and actually planned a week's worth of meals. Taking into account what we got in our CSA box, I planned out the following:

Monday - Eggplant Curry, Wild Rice, Pita
Tuesday - Falafel Burgers, Whole Wheat Couscous Salad
Wednesday - Herbed Tofu, Vegetable Tian, Green Salad
Thursday - Sundried Tomato Pasta, Green Salad, Homemade Garlic Bread
Friday - Homemade Pizza
Saturday - BBQ Seitan w/ Veggies, Green Beans, Green Salad
Sunday - Vegetable Fajitas

I've planned it so that on the busiest days (like today, for instance), the meal would be ready with minimal effort. Because I had extra time yesterday, I slow cooked the tian so when we get home tonight, we can warm it up in a couple of minutes. Tonight before bed, I'll throw bread in the bread machine and it'll be ready when I wake up for Thursday's dinner. This Sunday, once I see our CSA box on Saturday, I'll be ready to sit back down and plan out another week's dinner.

3. I've reopened the book "Your Money or Your Life" that I nabbed at the first Free Market I went to. At the time, even, I found it as an omen for things to come. I started reading it once before, but this time, I intend to make it past the first chapter.

4. I am making the commitment to be less active with swaps. I love them, I do, but I can't keep doing them at this point. I've got one more that I know I'm obligated to be a part of, but I will be phasing the rest out as we go. I'll still do personal swaps and I will probably still be active in Shop the Swap, but I need to really give myself more boundaries.


I feel like that's quite a list for so early in the morning. As I actually need to be leaving for work, I should end this here for now. I'm going to start looking for part-time work doing something that I don't have to take home with me and something that doesn't leave me feeling so exhausted. If anyone in the area knows of anything, please keep me in mind. In the meantime, I'll probably be at work thinking of a different life.

A New Beginning

Before I go off on the tangent to which I am struggling to find the words for, I did want to share this--my Tour de Fleece "Burning Bush" BFL, spun into a lovely, soft, two-ply at around 107-ish yards? (Ok, I forgot the actual yardage, so that's a guess). My other TdF pursuits have been pushed onto a back burner so I could make it through the past week at work...

... leading me to my non-knitting, non-crafty tangent. (So, if you want all the latest and greatest from knitting projects or from the Tour, stop reading now!)

I've really be struggling with a lot of concepts lately. The concept of modernization, the concept of division of labor, the concept of emotional labor, the idea that I can lead a sentient, inspired life, a creative life.. an unentangled life. An off-the-grid life. A meaningful life. A worth-while life. A life I want to wake up for.

I'm really, really having a difficult time with it. J and I are very fortunate that we don't have any real financial obligations.. we don't own our house, we don't have children. Our two cars are paid off. Basically, we have a disposable income that affords us the luxury of doing whatever it is that we want. But, it's becoming more and more obvious that this isn't what I want.

If I weren't married, I think I'd live in a tiny place, I'd grow my own food, I'd have no electricity. I'd be asleep by 8pm each night, up with the sunrise. I'd spend time doing whatever it was I found most rewarding -- spinning, knitting, or god forbid I may actually pick up a book. I would not have a telephone. I'd write real letters. I'd walk more. I'd learn to bake.

.. And instead, my life is working. And sleeping.

And I've just come to a point where that isn't good enough any longer.

There are going to be some big changes in the house over the next couple of months. We're getting rid of the satellite TV (RIP Keith Olbermann, wherever you have been over the last week?). Our discretionary income is going to be gone.. no more trips to Urban Outfitters because we can't decide what to wear, no more trips to the LYS because I'm having a bad day, no more ice cream unless it's part of the budget. We're going to have real meals that we'll really sit down for. I'm going to find a part-time job that will give us enough to cover the bills, but I can't do this anymore. It's not worth it.

These are the easy things we can do.. and still, some of them are going to be really, really difficult. But, I only have one life, and there is only one today. And if I can't be happy today, then I may not have another chance.

I've had this gnarling, ever-present lump of stress in my throat over the last month. It's been growing and growing. At first, I couldn't figure out what it was--am I getting sick? Am I already sick? Could it be allergies? Then I realized, it's the feeling that my stomach is in a ball and wound so tightly from stress that I can barely swallow without feeling it. I've wondered how to get rid of it.. would crying help? Would quitting my job help?

I think these are the only answers. So, today is the mark of a new life. This first month will be really rough, but I really, really need these changes more than anything.

Cheers to a new beginning and let's hope for the best.

Tour de Fleece 2008 - Days 1 and 2

Am I fooling myself that I will actually spin all the days of the Tour?

So far, I've got 2/2 and I'm getting ready to take my shoes off to start a new bobbin for day three!

Day 1 got me spinning this:



into this:



1.5ounces, 100 yards. Nice worsted weight single (See, Grieney? You're not forgotten!)

Day 2's spinning:



about 2 ounces of Spunky Eclectic's "Burning Bush" BFL.

(Remember this one? That's it on the bobbin)



The Ravelry group has been very active, which is great for keeping me sticking with it, but man, am I out of my spinning league!

All The News

Holy shit.

I will never eat french onion dip again. Ever.

And I'm sorry, but I just will not.

I've given the speech to the husband to spare him the anguish of having to grapple with whether or not to divorce me given the current state, but damn.

Because (despite the language), I will keep this family-friendly, I will spare everyone the details. Let's just be thankful that I'm not divorced and there are more interesting things going on.

The fourth we spent with a friend, playing the Wii, drinking beer (and perhaps America is getting back at me for drinking imports?), and eating good ol' American food--we grilled out with veggie dogs and burgers, made some chili, baked beans and potato salad. (And this intestinal riot is the thanks I get!)

We did also manage to give Q a haircut while he was least expecting. (I joke, really, because he's ALWAYS good about baths, haircuts, nail trimming.. he's almost always good, even. Really. I'm not lying.) But, LOOK what a handsome dog I have! I swear!!



I couldn't be more proud of him if I really was his mother. Mom, Dad -- you would have been SO proud of him yesterday! Even with strange people over, he barked once, and within a minute or two, our guests were petting him and everything was completely fine. Q is such an affirmation of life. I think he started off with worst circumstances than most other dogs, but he's just so.. amazing. He's a lesson that hard work and patience pays off. And that love truly is unconditional.

AND that a haircut can make a big difference!

Okay, enough gloating about the dog..

My car is practicing its camouflage:



... or did we just get a terrible storm?

And in fiber news (no pun intended with the first mentioned subject), I haven't carded up anything new, but I have managed to put about 75% of my stash on Ravelry AND I reorganized a bit, too.



(Luckily, you can't tell the other 80% of the craft room is still a bit of a mess.)

I finished up a project that I started in March and I'm pretty happy with the results. I'll post pictures here in just a couple more weeks.

I'm off to sip tea and relax. I hope.

Grr.. I can't believe my vacation is officially over the hill. I think I'll spend the next three days consulting sages, oracles, psychics and throwing bones to figure out what lottery numbers will get me the jackpot.

J wanted to go to Urban Outfitters yesterday to get some new, widowmaker-friendly pants. I managed to get a new, ugly-color cardigan out of the journey, though, and tried to snap a shot of me in it so I could see exactly how ugly the color was on me (I don't care, thank you):



(Excuse the rumpled shirt, too. Mom, I promise I do laundry but this is vacation!)

(Oh, and mom and dad, you may not know this, but I got extensions about 6 weeks ago.)

Not really getting as much knitting done this week as I had hoped. Ravelry has sucked a lot of time out of me, and I started adding pictures of my stash, which led to me reorganizing the craft room... I did make a new batt, though, called "Spice Rack."





Merino and corriedale wool, glitz. A tiny batt, but spicy! 0.6oz.

I think I may be dying of a spider bite, too. I just went out to the shed to get our second box fan and felt a sharp bite. It started itching, I scratched it, but then I noticed all the spiders around and started freaking out. (Important for the story--we recently had a pregnant black widow that lived right outside our door.) So, now I'm carefully watching it, wondering if my turned off phone has enough juice to call the hospital when I start fading. I'm feeling a bit numb in my hand, too, but I'm also crazy and a hypochondriac.

I did look around at the possible spider culprits (there were several) but I can't say who it may have been. Let's hope, for their sake, that this is just a mosquito bite.

It's dinner time for the pup. I can tell because he's moved to being in the same room as me and is panting and staring.

Yep.

Batts are Flying EVERYWHERE!

This morning began with a batt-flying frenzy!


"Fugly Batt #1," blend of corriedale wool and miscellaneous locks purchased from Etsy.


"Spring Peep," blend of mill end wool, merino and firestar.


"Love Shack," mill end wool, icicle top, metallic glitz.

I've learned that a vacation must sometimes mean you turn your phone off until the day you return to work, so everyone, if you need me, you need to email me. Three days off work and each day I've been bothered by work and it's absolutely ridiculous that I don't get the same vacation that everyone else is afforded. So, no phone calls for me for a week.

The craft room is an absolute mess, there's wool everyone, and I couldn't be happier.

So here's a glimpse of the child you never hear too much about. I agree with his attitude today. It's too hot to be outside (especially without coming back with a tick or two) and it's a perfect day to find a comfortable position and watch the rest of the world pass you by.



Also thought I'd share one of my recent yarns. I was asked by Grieney to spin up some roving she bought at Maryland Sheep & Wool. It's a pound, altogether. This bit is about 3 ounces and 105 yards. Proof that it's not forgotten! I've got it slated, too, to become part of my Tour de Fleece projects starting this week, so it'll will all be finished soon!



I received my Fiber of the Month from Spunky Eclectic this week, too, and I think I'll spin it for TdF, time permitting. This month's selection is a wool/mohair blend, though the mohair is only slightly detectable.



In other news, the family is all being reunited in a matter of an hour or two. Q and I were up at the crack of dawn this morning, so we're going to take a nap before J gets home. I spilled the beans this morning and told Q that his dad was coming home so now he's on high alert. I shouldn't have said anything. Smart pup.